Maybe.

Maybe its the smile to hide the pain. Maybe its the constant lies, mostly to myself. Maybe its the things that I think about that should really be swept under the rug. Maybe its the fact that I tend to think more about things I shouldn’t think about after I acknowlege that I shouldn’t be thinking about them. Maybe its the constant living in the past and being terrified of the future. Maybe its because I don’t deserve how good you treat me and how much you care. Maybe it’s that I can’t see why God does this to me. Maybe its that I don’t even believe in God. Maybe I should have been a better person. Maybe I shouldn’t have grown up so fast. Maybe I shouldn’t be having to deal with things that are way beyond my maturity level. Maybe its that I don’t know what to do. Maybe its that I never knew what to do or what I was doing. Maybe its that hindsight is 20/20. Maybe its that I hate myself and I don’t see how you could love someone so broken. Maybe I just want to forget any of this ever happened. Maybe I don’t live life with no regrets. Maybe I regret mostly everything. Maybe the only thing I don’t regret is you. Maybe the only good thing that has happened to me is you. Maybe I just don’t deserve it. Maybe I feel like I’m going to lose you, like everything else. 

Maybe thats why I can’t love you as much as I do.